Proceed with Caution

Being a new mother brings something new each and every day. For those of you that know me well know that I am a "worry-wart." I worry about everything. The other problem that presents itself is that I try to self-diagnose my issues and then I usually end up convincing myself that I have the worst sickness or disease known to mankind and then the worrying really takes over.

As many of you mothers know, breastfeeding comes with its own set of unknowns and complications. At first I was worried that my milk wouldn't let down and that I would have to go to the emergency room to get some help. Then I worried that I wasn't producing enough milk (mind you, this was only four days after I had given birth). The next thing I worried about will demonstrate just how capable I am of taking things to the extreme.

Every night I have three different alarms set to wake me up so that I can pump. The first alarm goes off at 1:30 am, the second alarm at 3:30 am and the final alarm goes off at 5:30 am. After the final alarm I am usually so sick of sleeping in two hour increments that I generally stay awake after that. Anyway, I woke up at 3:30 to pump and because I wasn't producing as much milk as I thought I should be, I started to panic.

I was certain that I would never be able to feed the twins and that I would have to just feed them formula after all. Not that mother's who choose formula over breast milk are bad mothers, it is just that as long as I can remember my mother has been saying "Breast milk is best." So of course I was going to be the worst mother that ever existed and my children were going to be malnutritioned and I would never be able to look my mother in the face again.

Now that I was on a roll, why stop here. I did a quick inspection of my breasts to see if they were still rock hard and of course my suspicions were right, in my worried state, I was certain that I had cancer. Why else would I have golf ball sized lumps in my breast that were as hard as golf balls and were not going away? I still managed to pull myself out of bed, pump and luckily enough by the time I crawled back in bed I was too tired to worry any longer.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital the next day I asked the boys' nurse if she could call the lactation consultant and have her come and answer some of my questions. The consultant came, I expressed my worries about breast cancer and suddenly my diagnosis had gone from cancer to engorgement. I was relieved.

The craziest part about pregnancy, especially with twins, is that if you clung to modesty before, you might as well throw it out the window. I learned this lesson so thoroughly that when the consultant asked if she could touch my once cancer infested breast I had no problems lifting up my shirt and exposing myself. The most embarrassing part is that when she was checking the lumps to see if it was a normal state for six days post delivery, I was so engorged that milk started dripping all over the both of us.

I guess she was right after all, I was engorged.

It's All Relative

I guess it is difficult to look at pictures of the boys and imagine just how small they actually are. Initially we would take pictures of the boys and post them and many people would say, "They look great, they aren't as small as I thought they might be." The problem is that we zoom in on the babies to make sure they are the focus of the picture and then they look huge.

So, in an attempt to give everyone an idea of how small they are, we have taken a couple of pictures of the boys next to preemie outfits. Just to give an added measure of help, we should let you know that the outfits are made for a child that weighs about four pounds.

We have also taken a picture of one of their diapers on the palm of Sterling's hand to give you a better idea. The funny thing is that even though the diapers are so small, you still have to fold them down on the top because if you don't the top of the diaper would probably sit in the middle of their chests.

Makaio

Kekoa

Smallest Diaper Ever (probably not)

The Temperature is Rising

We got to take their temperatures today. We do it under the armpit. We get to watch the temperature rise on the thermometer until it reaches 36.5-37.0 degrees Celsius. Just another excuse to touch them. Hopefully their skin will thicken soon and they can keep their temperature well so the plastic on their beds can be taken off. Here are some pictures.

Sterling with Kekoa

Cylynn with Makaio

Weighing of the Boys

We got to hold the boys in our hands for the first time today. We were able to help weigh them for the day. It was a very special experience. We were both nervous at first but loved to feel them in our hands. They are so light. It felt like holding a small pillow. Here are some videos.

Cylynn weighing Makaio.

Sterling Weighing Kekoa.

Even though we were nervous at first to hold them, the hardest thing was letting them go. We both just wanted to keep them in our arms and give them machine gun kisses.

Looking Good

We are here in the NICU today after church seeing the boys.  They both look so great today, and we could not help wanting to post about that.  They are so handsome.  I think they know it is Sunday, the Lord's day.  Therefore, they are aloud to take a break and get some good rest.  They are both sleeping well.

We did not want to leave you without pictures, so here are a few more from the last couple of days.

Here is Sterling holding Kekoa.  They say they just like to feel pressure, like they are surrounded, as they were in the womb.  That is why the are in cocoon-like blankets.

Here is Cylynn holding Makaio's head.

Here is Cylynn's thumb with one of Makaio's feet.  Half her thumb is as long as his foot.

Here is Cylynn holding Kekoa now.

It will be a few weeks before they can leave their beds and we can hold them in our arms, but it is so nice to be able to touch them now.